Taking The Initiative for Inanna House

       INITIATIVE:

 Success comes to the person who does Today what you were thinking about doing Tomorrow.

I remember looking at people who fundraised for various causes, and found myself curiously wondering at their passion, their dedication and, of course, their perseverance. I would look at them and think,"Jeez! What on EARTH lit a fire under that guy's ass!" Lol - you know what I mean...What created that motivation? What happened to them?

Well, one random early April day, I finally got a taste of this elusive fire; it literally exploded within me as I learned that my step-father and mother were, after thirteen years, ending their marriage, and...that this action was partly due to his inability to understand or even accept how Lyme Disease has affected me and my life. 

In fact, he became so adamant and abrasive towards me about the fact that my illness was, "ruining their marriage" that I actually had to leave the house and was graciously taken in by my Uncle and Aunt.

At the time, I was already planning my first Inanna House Fundraiser, but the events mentioned above made me take it to a whole new level. I simply could not process all the emotions I was having regarding the situation, and my role in it, that I found myself obsessively trying to distract myself by creating bracelets, necklaces, rings, earrings, Dead Sea Salt Scrubs and Mud to supplement the donation classes that had originally been intended as the main fundraising tool at the Yoga Studio we were having the fundraiser at.

The only thing I was capable of focusing on was the idea of Inanna House, and how it simply needed to exist so that something like an illness tearing a family apart due to ignorance and a lack of resources, such as a place that offered in-patient longterm care for people like me, would never happen to another family again.

Looking back on the last two months, however, I can't help but notice that good things CAN come from seemingly catastrophic events. I don't know how long I will be staying with my Aunt and Uncle, but my time spent here has literally been an oasis of peace...so different from the tension that I suppose I always knew was there when I was living with my step-father and his children. I think I'd have to invent a new word for them, because "gratitude" simply can't contain or even explain the bursts of emotion I feel every time I realize where I am...all I can say is that I haven't slept this well in years!

Although I hate that it happened the way it did, I can also honestly say that I haven't seen my mother this excited about her future in years...she has already sold the house and is steadfast in her decision to move out to Ojai, California with my sister and eventually, me. In my heart I know she has always dreamed of moving to the west coast. 

As for the fundraiser itself, I honestly didn't make as much money as I had hoped for them, but I still have tons of handmade items left that will eventually be sold at other upcoming venues. So, when all was said and done, we made a whooping $655.00, and in my mind...that's a pretty good start : )

Here is a slide show of the event and some of the products we made for the fundraiser:







It would have been impossible to pull something like this off by myself, so I kindly like to take a moment to thank the people who made this event possible:

Kaitlyn Orchanian is an amazing instructor and marketing director at the Bikram Yorktown yoga studio, and is the person I initially contacted to see if "Inanna House" could be part of the studio's Community Karma weekly donation classes designated for non-profit organizations. It is because of her that this event was even remotely possible.

Jane Kartsch is the owner of both the Bikram Yorktown Studio and the Bikram Bronx Studio. I hadn't realized that both studios were participating in the donation classes for Inanna House, and was overjoyed to learn that $350 was donated from these classes alone. Thank You Jane! xo

There isn't enough I could possibly say to Tracy and Tony Mosca (my Aunt and Uncle) for all they have done for me these past months...I wouldn't even know where to begin! 
They have not only given me a safe, peaceful space to heal, but have also supported my fundraising efforts, and amazingly donated tons of supplies for creating jewelry that has been left over from their own six-year, $61,000 worth of fundraising efforts in Yorktown, NY's Relay For Life for the American Cancer Society. This year, on June 8, I'm honored to be joining in on their team and plan on donating 50% of all items sold to Relay, and the rest will go to Inanna House...now, that's what I call a win/win situation : )

Lauren Bova and I have known each other since Grade School. In fact, we were inseparable our Senior Year, and even then I was truly astonished of her unique, artistically funky and creative ways. Her re-entrance into my life has truly been a gift, and I would say that she has been a great muse and teacher to me in my own creative efforts. 


Her talents to create fashion mixed with a deep passion for everything "Green", and an ability to take something old and transform it into something unbelievable and new is entirely uncanny. At the moment, her products such as handmade jewelry, rugs, scarfs, hats, crocheted purses, satchels, and pocketbooks are exclusively sold at Salon Elle in Armonk, NY, but she plans on supplementing this with an upcoming Etsy Shop called Bovella. Look for it in the future and be amazed...here's a taste of what you'll find: 

I'd also like to thank Lydia Cassia, owner of Salon Elle Hair Artistry for lending me ALL the supplies, gift boxes, and wraps, needed to present the products sold at the fundraiser. I literally think she saved me a small fortune by doing so! Thank You Lydia!

When I told my Mother that my "Dead Sea Salt Scrubs" HAD to be organic, I don't think she envisioned spending hours of her time grating two bags of limes so that I could add real lime peel to the concoction, but she did it! She also managed to help set up the event, which meant putting up with my wretchedly incessant OCD remarks about how EXACTLY things should be placed and where. And, she did all of this during one of the most trying times of her life with as much grace as I have ever seen. So, of course, my final BIG thanks goes out to my Mother. I love you! xoxo 




Much Love and Many Blessings,
Sarah

The Part of Me I Hope Remains...

"People do not see the world as it is, they see it as they are."

It's funny how things change... I remember when I fell in love the first time, the only thing I seemed to notice were other people in love; people who were happy - just like me. Life was easy, weightless, and time seemed to move just a little too quickly. Not that I noticed that particular peculiarity of it, but how could I have? I'd never known differently...

I also remember the first time I experienced depression and anxiety and how during that phase, I only seemed to notice things that were depressing and anxiety producing. How my body felt heavy, and this time, time seemed to move at SUCH an excruciating slow pace. Even the world seemed more burden-filled, dark, and unsafe.


Now, I'm pretty sure that the paragraphs above are relatable to most people to some degree; everyone has had at least a "sense" of these types of feelings before, however, I can't say the same about CLD. I know it's not something that is relatable to a LOT of people, and this fact unfortunately separates me from the "norm" and catapults me into a space that is only familiar to me and the Lyme Community. 


Because of this, I believe that in some respect there's an opportunity here that I don't want to pass up. So, this is the part that I hope remains with me, the part that I never want to forget from having this particular experience:


1. From experiencing years of suffering, feeling helpless, and desperate, I couldn't help but "notice" and have deep compassion for others who have experienced the same (and I'm not just talking about Lyme...), and because of that I will always remember to take only what I need (no less, no more), and GIVE anything "extra" to those who need it. In order to do this, I will constantly remind myself that:







2. Because my illness is "Invisible", I want to remember to never judge anyone...I can honestly say that no one can tell what a person is going through just by looking at them, and because of this I will remind myself to:

3. I realize that this may sound like a totally RADICAL idea, but because I've seen how the very governing bodies that were made and meant to protect and serve us without ANY KIND of conflict of interest or gain, completely abandon, ignore, humiliate, and leave people like us to continue to suffer and die for nothing but greed, money, stature or simply because their ego's refuse to say they were "wrong", I've realized that SOMETHING needs to change.

I actually believe that as a whole, the world would be a MUCH better place if everyday people began to entertain the notion that we are ONE, and therefore responsible for one another, and for each other's well being. For me, the days of "This is not your problem" are over - if I see an injustice being done, and know that help is both wanted and needed, I WILL NOT stand aside and watch. 

This also means that I'm now an advocate for "Practicing Random Acts of Kindness". I WANT everyone I meet to be happier after they've left. These two ideas put into practice can cause quite an extraordinary ripple effect... try it and see : )

4) This last tid-bit is something that I think I will have to work on for a LONG time before I come to terms with it, but after YEARS of experiencing feelings of anger, despair, frustration and downright disgust towards those "governing bodies", I've learned that anger and all of those other emotions are a poor use of whatever limited but precious energy I have, and realize that it in itself is toxic to feel on a day to day basis. There is only one quote, and it's a favorite of mine, that even allows me to entertain the notion of "forgiveness" towards those who have wronged and ruined the lives of SO many, and the above is it. I HAVE to remember that to be wronged is to be hurt once, but to not forgive those who have wronged you, empowers them to hurt you twice. From now on, I'll do what any Pisces does best - learn to cleverly swim around obstacles...even if they are ones that were never meant to be there in the first place.

Thanks for reading and Many Blessings,

Sarah

Priceless...

"Why are you building me a house?" a woman once suspiciously asked me, as if Habitat for Humanity held some kind of monetary gain for its' participants that she was blatantly unaware of. I noticed the confusion in those guarded, untrusting eyes of hers, a look that forced me to look away for a moment and re-examine my motives. 


"Well...I think it's mostly because I can." I finally replied. It took me a moment before I looked up again at her after answering. The first look she had given me had left my heart pounding with the knowledge that this woman had suffered in a way that I, in my twenty-one years could not begin to imagine, and for some reason had left me feeling ashamed. I couldn't help but think that a look like that must have been developed over time, and almost felt responsible for it, as if something or someone could have prevented it from ever surfacing.


Overcome with the guilt that accompanied this thought, I almost didn't realize that I suddenly was surrounded by warmth as this woman reached out to embrace me. The hug went just as quick as it had come, and she pulled away, but not without first taking a moment to grab my face gently with her roughly calloused hands, raising my head up, and with a detectable quiver in her voice, whispering, "Thank You" to me. She then turned to look at her nearly finished house, placed her hand over her heart and with amazement, headed away from the porch we were both standing on and into the front door of her new home. 


I remember standing there for a second, feeling dazed and overwhelmed with emotion as I tried to choke back the tears that were starting to threaten my composure. It wasn't her words that struck me, I hear people say, "Thank You" a million times a day and often for reasons that are minuscule in comparison.  


Nope. It definitely wasn't the words that left me speechless, it was the look in her eyes as she said it. They had softened with gratitude, tears of joy were playing at their corners as if some of that ice she had formed around her heart had melted, and with that a weight that even Atlas couldn't shrug had been lifted. To her, I didn't just help build her a house, I had somehow managed to restore her faith in humanity. What I had given her was a home, but what she had given me - that look, and the implications behind it, was priceless.  


There is a short story I'd like to share, a story that some of you may have heard before, but is worth repeating...

The Wise Woman's Stone

"A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a very rare and precious stone in the midst of a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to him, offering to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone inside and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation, and the traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman. 

"I've been thinking," he said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone."

A lot of people think that Chronic Lyme Disease is an invisible illness. I couldn't disagree more. There's a certain unmistakable look in the eyes of every Lyme sufferer I've ever come across, and I even notice it in mine at times. It's the look of someone exhausted from carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, a look that holds immense physical pain and unrelenting mental confusion that often is incapable of verbal expression; the look of defeat in a battle-wearied soul. But how many people ever really take the time to look into those eyes...why on earth would they ever want to?

I guess the message I'm trying to convey is that, in my experience, there is nothing more rewarding than giving to those in need, and that - if you are healthy enough to do so, it is the one thing that I find is the most enriching to lives (yours included : )


Sarah


PS. In a previous post, I said that I would try to avoid advertising on this site. However, one of the main intentions of this blog is to help raise funds for the medical treatments of those in need. Unfortunately, the whole "donating" idea hasn't proven to be effective, and believe me, in this economy - I understand! 


However, raising funds is still a priority of mine, and therefore I've "given in" to the whole advertising idea, and have even joined "Amazon Associates" where if you go to the page entitled "My Amazon Store" and purchase a product through that online store, Amazon has agreed to give me a 15% commission.


 I've also added info-links (they're the underlined words colored in fuchsia). If you click on them, I will receive a small payment, however, I feel obliged to tell you that if you find them EXTREMELY annoying, all you have to do is click on the question mark after you hover your mouse over the link and chose the "opt out" option. This will prevent your browser from ever seeing them again.

One last, but VERY important thing. I can't help but notice that I've accrued some followers along the way, and to be honest, many more than I had originally expected! To me this is truly an amazing kindness, one that I can't help but feel unbelievably grateful for. You have no idea how good it feels to know that I'm not alone, that these words are not being most heartfully said in an entirely empty room. Thank You...

Dear Universe: "You Win."

Photograph taken by: Rosie Hardy

"I have found that there are times when there is simply nothing else left to do but run outside, throw your hands up, look with sheer amazement at the Universe, and with astonished humility and awe say..."You Win." 

Believe it or not, I no longer envy those who have the illusion (Yes - illusion) that they are not only in "complete control" over their lives, but even feel as if they are its choreographers. Nope! I can sincerely say that I had abruptly abandoned that notion a LONG time ago, and (obviously) for good reason!


Before this illness, however, I actually used to think of myself as a very imaginative person, and could even have probably come up with a million different problem-solving solutions to "what if" scenarios on the spot. 


However, of all the millions upon millions of things I could have conjured up in my crafty brain, not once (ever) did it occur to me that I would end up where I am today: not only trying to live with a chronic illness that even the best horror novelists couldn't conceive of, but ALSO having absolutely no CLUE how to fix it. 


It seems that with both the controversy and the illness itself, every road I attempt to take inevitably turns out to be a dead end. Sometimes, it's almost as if they're SO many walls around me, that I often feel completely and utterly - trapped. 


And...THIS is where the whole "You Win" comes in : )


It's ironic how we consider calling on a "higher power" (whatever that may mean to you) only after every possibility and every resource has either been exhausted or has failed. I often wonder why it takes SO many people to get that far, and that desperate before they realize that just saying, "You Win" (please fucking help!) was an option they had all along.


Surrendering to the notion that you cannot possibly control and see the outcome of all the events put into motion in your life is quite an interesting prospect. Why? Because there is a second part (the part I LOVE!) that inevitably comes with it. The part that, after doing so, literally catapults you down paths you never thought to follow, ones that ultimately lead you to the answers found in places you never even dreamed of looking. 


Like I said in the beginning, I no longer envy those who "think" they are in control of their lives...why? Because their realities are filled with finite possibilities whereas mine, mine is open to the fact that there are (often unexpected) endless ones. 


All it takes is to stop saying Why? and start asking that "Higher Source"...How? If you trust that "one day" you'll understand the "why" part, please try and put that same trust in this - it works (if you let it!)


Lots of Love,
Sarah