|Photograph taken by: Rosie Hardy|
"I have found that there are times when there is simply nothing else left to do but run outside, throw your hands up, look with sheer amazement at the Universe, and with astonished humility and awe say..."You Win."
Believe it or not, I no longer envy those who have the illusion (Yes - illusion) that they are not only in "complete control" over their lives, but even feel as if they are its choreographers. Nope! I can sincerely say that I had abruptly abandoned that notion a LONG time ago, and (obviously) for good reason!
Before this illness, however, I actually used to think of myself as a very imaginative person, and could even have probably come up with a million different problem-solving solutions to "what if" scenarios on the spot.
However, of all the millions upon millions of things I could have conjured up in my crafty brain, not once (ever) did it occur to me that I would end up where I am today: not only trying to live with a chronic illness that even the best horror novelists couldn't conceive of, but ALSO having absolutely no CLUE how to fix it.
It seems that with both the controversy and the illness itself, every road I attempt to take inevitably turns out to be a dead end. Sometimes, it's almost as if they're SO many walls around me, that I often feel completely and utterly - trapped.
And...THIS is where the whole "You Win" comes in : )
It's ironic how we consider calling on a "higher power" (whatever that may mean to you) only after every possibility and every resource has either been exhausted or has failed. I often wonder why it takes SO many people to get that far, and that desperate before they realize that just saying, "You Win" (please fucking help!) was an option they had all along.
Surrendering to the notion that you cannot possibly control and see the outcome of all the events put into motion in your life is quite an interesting prospect. Why? Because there is a second part (the part I LOVE!) that inevitably comes with it. The part that, after doing so, literally catapults you down paths you never thought to follow, ones that ultimately lead you to the answers found in places you never even dreamed of looking.
Like I said in the beginning, I no longer envy those who "think" they are in control of their lives...why? Because their realities are filled with finite possibilities whereas mine, mine is open to the fact that there are (often unexpected) endless ones.
All it takes is to stop saying Why? and start asking that "Higher Source"...How? If you trust that "one day" you'll understand the "why" part, please try and put that same trust in this - it works (if you let it!)
Lots of Love,