Laugh Out Loud!

You know you have Late Stage Lyme when:
  1. You have absolutely no idea where you are even though you are only two houses away from home, and your Irish Setter is literally pointing at your house.
  2. You suddenly develop an onset of Multiple Personality Disorder.
  3. Your sleeping pattern either resembles that of a hibernating bear, or a complete inability to sleep, even after ingesting enough sleeping meds to kill a small horse.
  4. You find yourself losing approximately 100 things a day with a complete inability to find them - even though you are positive 80% of the things you lost are exactly where they are supposed to be.
  5. You develop "Verbal Dyslexia" and become extremely defensive about it..."How could you possibly not know that when I said the word "cow", I REALLY meant "milk" - that IS where milk comes from you know...!"
  6. You find yourself desperately trying to figure out whether or not you already took your daily antibiotic.
  7. You are unable to find the 30 pages of paper you wrote that had very important information on it...Lyme Support phone numbers, treatment protocols, directions for how to put a fire out...Um...where DID that fire extinguisher go anyway?? 
  8. You experience about 100 different mood swings a day and simply cannot understand why the people around you cannot keep up!
  9. You forget how to spell the word, "the"...every attempt just does not look right.
  10. You are aware that you have complete cognitive dysfunction, and therefore, should keep your mouth shout, but don't, and end up saying the most absurd, and often irrelevant things.
  11. The 2 very simple things you have on your "to do" list for the day seems akin to that of climbing Mt. Everest. 
  12. Your joints have become more accurate in predicting the weather than the National Weather Service.
  13. You get exhausted just by waking up.
  14. Your children are able to do math better than you.
  15. You know that the best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.
  16. You stop to think, and then forget to start again.
  17. All of the pharmacists and lab workers in town know you on a first name basis.
  18. You don't care where your spouse goes, as long as you don't have to go with him.
  19. You dim the lights because of photosensitivity. Creating a "romantic" ambiance never even crossed your mind!
  20. Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love", and you answer, "Honey, I really can't do both!"
  21. Your weekly seizure-like "episodes" and walking impairments no longer alarm, concern or surprise your family and friends. In fact, they don't even phase YOU anymore...
  22. People tell you, "You look great!!", and you immediately start to daydream about how VERY satisfying it would be if you were allowed to physically attack them for saying so. In fact, you often have to literally grasp at the nearest grounded object to prevent you from doing just that.
  23. You find yourself having "moments of clarity" in the most inappropriate places (aka: Movie Theaters) where you realize what a COMPLETE and utterly RIDICULOUS situation you are in, know that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can do about it, and suddenly start helplessly, and with resignation laughing like a LUNATIC over it. Afterward, when the moment of clarity you had disappears, you become extremely alarmed to see disapproving and angered stares from the people surrounding you, ask the person sitting next to you why, and when they tell you, adamantly, and with offense reply, "I most CERTAINLY was NOT laughing!! - this IS a movie theater, you know..."       

Things You Will Only Hear Lymies Say:

  1. "I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going."
  2. "The way I clean my house is with a sweeping glance."
  3. "I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up."
  4. "I'm smiling all the time because I can't comprehend a single word you're saying."
  5. "I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am."
  6. "All my friends trust me with their deepest, darkest secrets. They have no idea that I can't remember a damn thing they've told me..."
  7. "I'm not irritable, I just don't like traffic, waiting, noise, sound, children, politicians, or anything else in my environment..."
  8. "I am extremely creative. I remember something new every day!"
  9. "I'm positive that everything I can't find is in a secure place."
  10. "I'm having trouble remembering simple words like...uh..."
  11. "I'm starting to wonder if you're really only as old as you could I possibly be still alive at 210??"
  12. "I'm anti-everything now...anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-light, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory, anti-biotics, anti-depressents, anti-anxiety etc."
  13. "I've got a mind like a...a...Um - what's that thing called again?"
  14. "There are three signs of Lyme Disease. The first is your loss of memory; the other two I forget."
  15. "I would LOVE to be around people more...the only problem is - They just WILL NOT stop talking!!"

As a Lymie was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Upon answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Jake, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on I-15. Please be careful..."
"Hell," said Jake, "it's not just one car - it's hundreds of them!!"


Two lymie couples were enjoying a friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it has made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that red flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife..."Rose, what was the name of that clinic again?"


Yeah - that's about right...!! Love this cartoon : )

Lol...I wish!!




__________________________________________________________________________________________ Lyme Disease? Bah! The Very Idea!! by


Loakley said...

What a great page...I'm always looking for jokes about this, but it's kind of like Anne Lamott going into a bookstore and saying, "Do you have any funny books about cancer?".
Thanks, best wishes,

Sarah Lamando said...

Hi Linda,
I'm so glad you liked the page! Sometimes the only thing left to do is laugh : )
Best Wishes,

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