Saturday, December 17, 2011

The Part of Me I Hope Remains...

"People do not see the world as it is, they see it as they are."

It's funny how things change... I remember when I fell in love the first time, the only thing I seemed to notice were other people in love; people who were happy - just like me. Life was easy, weightless, and time seemed to move just a little too quickly. Not that I noticed that particular peculiarity of it, but how could I have? I'd never known differently...

I also remember the first time I experienced depression and anxiety and how during that phase, I only seemed to notice things that were depressing and anxiety producing. How my body felt heavy, and this time, time seemed to move at SUCH an excruciating slow pace. Even the world seemed more burden-filled, dark, and unsafe.

Now, I'm pretty sure that the paragraphs above are relatable to most people to some degree; everyone has had at least a "sense" of these types of feelings before, however, I can't say the same about CLD. I know it's not something that is relatable to a LOT of people, and this fact unfortunately separates me from the "norm" and catapults me into a space that is only familiar to me and the Lyme Community. 

Because of this, I believe that in some respect there's an opportunity here that I don't want to pass up. So, this is the part that I hope remains with me, the part that I never want to forget from having this particular experience:

1. From experiencing years of suffering, feeling helpless, and desperate, I couldn't help but "notice" and have deep compassion for others who have experienced the same (and I'm not just talking about Lyme...), and because of that I will always remember to take only what I need (no less, no more), and GIVE anything "extra" to those who need it. In order to do this, I will constantly remind myself that:

2. Because my illness is "Invisible", I want to remember to never judge anyone...I can honestly say that no one can tell what a person is going through just by looking at them, and because of this I will remind myself to:

3. I realize that this may sound like a totally RADICAL idea, but because I've seen how the very governing bodies that were made and meant to protect and serve us without ANY KIND of conflict of interest or gain, completely abandon, ignore, humiliate, and leave people like us to continue to suffer and die for nothing but greed, money, stature or simply because their ego's refuse to say they were "wrong", I've realized that SOMETHING needs to change.
I actually believe that as a whole, the world would be a MUCH better place if everyday people began to entertain the notion that we are ONE, and therefore responsible for one another, and for each other's well being. For me, the days of "This is not your problem" are over - if I see an injustice being done, and know that help is both wanted and needed, I WILL NOT stand aside and watch. 
This also means that I'm now an advocate for "Practicing Random Acts of Kindness". I WANT everyone I meet to be happier after they've left. These two ideas put into practice can cause quite an extraordinary ripple effect... try it and see : )

4) This last tid-bit is something that I think I will have to work on for a LONG time before I come to terms with it, but after YEARS of experiencing feelings of anger, despair, frustration and downright disgust towards those "governing bodies", I've learned that anger and all of those other emotions are a poor use of whatever limited but precious energy I have, and realize that it in itself is toxic to feel on a day to day basis. There is only one quote, and it's a favorite of mine, that even allows me to entertain the notion of "forgiveness" towards those who have wronged and ruined the lives of SO many, and the above is it. I HAVE to remember that to be wronged is to be hurt once, but to not forgive those who have wronged you, empowers them to hurt you twice. From now on, I'll do what any Pisces does best - learn to cleverly swim around obstacles...even if they are ones that were never meant to be there in the first place.

Thanks for reading and Many Blessings,


Renee said...

Beautiful and very thought provoking post, Sarah. I especially was pulled in by the quote of someone hurting you once and then again if you do not forgive them. I have been enjoying your blog.

Sarah Lamando said...

Thank you so much for commenting Renee : ) I'm so glad you liked the post, and YES, that last idea has been "pulling" at me for a while now... Best wishes to you!! Sarah

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